I Wanna…Blog Some

Last night for our anniversary we had the most amazing dinner with some unusual entertainment.  The servers were so polite and attentive.  I was brought to the table, my chair was pulled out.  The dinner menu was already set, but the foods were some of my favorite (potato soup, macaroni & cheese, and chili).  There was music (Elvis).  Drinks (red wine and kool-aid).  And desert (a ding dong). 

And were was this fine establishment?  My house. 

The kids prepared everything (with only minimal help).  The entertainment was a trained dog act (one of the kids had created a dog costume and her older brother was the trainer).  The act started with the "dog" jumping through all of the rolls of toilet paper bought at Costco the other night.  It was quite the entrance. 

My youngest child was very concerned with making sure my kool-aid was full and that I had enough to eat.  And they all remembered to tell us, frequently, that tips were appreciated.  They each made 1 dollar for the great service and now they want to cook and entertain every night.  For 3 bucks it seems worth it.

I have that "I am so happy to be a mother" glow today.  But don’t worry–it won’t last.  We’re heading off to the mall in a few minutes to get each kid one new outfit for the first day of school.     

I am a traditionalist.  Surprised?  You shouldn’t be.  Since our 1st Anniversary I have always given my hubby something from the list of traditional gifts.  And this year is 14.  And the 14th anniversary gift is Ivory.  And Ivory is illegal.  But a dozen bars of Ivory Soap are not illegal. 

We exchanged gifts this morning.  I should have known and been prepared.  My man usually can’t even wait until the day of to give me a gift he’s excited to give.  He gave me a really pretty girly watch with numbers on the face…exactly what I wanted and started throwing hints down for about 2 months ago.  And he wrapped it in Ivory Soap wrappers!  How creative (and damn, he stole my Ivory Soap idea!). 

I gave him a dozen bars of Ivory Soap, a pair of fancy sunglasses that will last him a lot longer than his 5.99 Target pair, a very small stuffed elephant with fake stuffed ivory tusks that aren’t illegal, and the promise of a date to the zoo on a weekday when the kids are in school.  I found a website that recommended going on a Safari for the 14th anniversary to honor the elephant and ivory and a trip to the zoo once it’s cooler out will have to be our safari. 

I can’t believe it’s been 14 years.  He’s even hotter than the day we married.  I love him more than the day we married.  We have laughed more than I expected.  Cried more than I thought we would.  And I think he knows me better than I thought any one ever could.  I am so glad we are one and look forward to many more years together*. 

*Ok, I don’t really think we are "one" I just had to put that in there to tease a friend of mine.  As unromantic as it seems, I don’t really get the idea of "soul mates" either.  Man, what a depressing way to end a Happy Anniversary blog post…  
 

I sit and I look at the other families that are here.  Waiting with a child who is being seen in the Radiology Department of a Children’s Hospital.  That’s what we are all doing.  I’m looking at the mother with her daughter, son, and her own mother.  I can tell which child will be seen because she’s wearing a wrist band.  The same kind that my son has on.  I want to ask, "What is she here for?" But I don’t.  What if it’s too depressing?  What if she asks what we are waiting for?  Will I want to tell the whole story just to hear what happened one more time so that I really believe it actually happened? 
There is a younger mom–very pretty with a very pretty husband a daughter.  I overhear her say the baby is 2 weeks old.  I want to ask her why a mom of a two week old has to be in such an awful place.  She doesn’t seem worried.  She doesn’t seem like she is thinking, "Why the fuck do I have to be here when I should be at home just enjoying my new baby?  Why didn’t anyone warn me that her life might not be perfect?"  I never see the baby because she stays asleep in her car seat the entire time so maybe this young mom is at a place where she is keeping a distance from her baby and anything that could be wrong with her.  I can understand that.  I’m a big fan of denial. 
We get called back to prepare for the MRI.  This time it means my son gets poked with a needle to be ready for the eventual dye to be injected for a better look inside of his head.  The first nurse had difficulty finding a good vein and she starts digging around in my son’s hand and isn’t finding what she’s looking for.  Poor kid.  He’s so strong, so brave, but a 10 year old can only be put through so much.  He turns a little pale and starts acting a little odd.  And as an avid passer outer I know to ask, "Kid, are you doing alright?"  The answer is, "No."
He never does pass out.  A little PowerAde and a short break lying down and he is ready to be poked again.  This time another nurse tries and she nails it on the first attempt with the help of a Child Life Specialist who is there to remind my son to breathe.  "Take a deep breath…now exhaaaaaale…."
The final preparation for this MRI is a lot like going through airport security.  I have to empty pockets, I can’t have any metal on me, and I have to promise that I have no metal plates in my head.  I remember the drill from the last time and even my hair is pulled back with a metal-free hair tie. 
We are outfitted with ear plugs and the boy is allowed to lie down on this space age table that will take pictures of his brain.  It doesn’t take long to start the MRI.  It sounds like a bazooka gun going off. Boomboomboomboomboom.  Datdatdatdatdatdatdat.  Zzzztzzztzzzztzzzzzt.  Boomboomboomboomboomboom…..  This big machine sounds like it is assaulting my son.
He is still—so still that he falls asleep during most of the procedure including when the dye is injected.  When the dye is injected I am told that it will only be seven more minutes.  Seems faster than the last time.  I still have time to wonder to myself, “Why the fuck do we have to be here when we should be at home enjoying summer vacation?  Why didn’t anyone warn me that his life might not be perfect?” 

When I walk out I don’t look around at any other families.  I forget all about the other families and their kids.  I just take my kid to go get a candy bar and put it behind us for the day.    

Ok, here’s how it went down…

We have this friend…we’ll call her Do-You-La-La because that’s her name on the Internet (well, Doulala, but whatever)…and we were paying her a little visit on Thursday to eat her yummy cookies and swim in her glorious pool.  Do-You-La-La is a wonderful doula for birthing women and just as caring to a 6 and nearly three-quarter year old with a tooth loose for over a month.  That’s like being around a first time mama being told she’s 2-3 cm dilated–could be today & could be a month from now. 

Do-You-La-La talked calmly to my loose toothed daughter and asked to see it the tooth.  Asked to touch the tooth.  Gained trust by promising not to pull it without permission.  And then there was a whisper.  A grin.  A pull.  And a "Here it is…" and a small little tooth was handed to me that had previously been wiggly jiggly in my kid’s mouth. 

Then I heard my daughter say, "So, when are you painting my toenails?"  Ah-ha!  So that was what the whispering was.  A little deal was being brokered.  A tooth pull for a mani-pedi!  And before you get all, "How could you let all those interventions occur?" remember that this tooth would not have come out if it wasn’t really ready!  

That night we found the very lovely tooth pocket made by a very lovely friend (another doula…funny, huh?) and put the tooth ever so gently inside and tucked it way under the big fluffy pink pillow under the now one less toothed daughter and her sister (who was trying really hard not to be very jealous).

At 6am I could hear excited noises coming from the girls’ room.  There had been a visit from a fairy!  And the proof was the fairy dust sprinkled all around.  If you ask the girl who was the reason for the visit she will tell you that the fairy dust had made patterns on her arm of butterflies and other way cool stuff.  And there was fairy dust under the pillow and around and inside the now toothless tooth pocket.  Inside of the pocket was a whole bunch of change including a Sacagawea dollar!  How cool!  How exciting!  How not all that happened!

We received a phone call a little later from The Husband who, sadly, had been out of town for the last 2 weeks.  And guess what?  He woke up and found something under his pillow too!  A brown paper bag with a note that said: 

Please give this

to The Girl

the next time

you see her. 

Thanks,

T. Fairy

Well, that nearly drove this kid crazier than waiting for the tooth to "fall" out.  She was sure she could wait up a few days later when her daddy was expected home.  And if not wait up, then wake up as soon as he arrived.  But no.  Too tired. 

This morning the proud girl with one less baby tooth asked for the bag she was told about.  Inside of the bag was a box wrapped in some glittery paper with tulle ribbon that also had the same exact kind of fairy dust that had been around after the tooth fairy had been here as well!  And inside of this box was a very lovely bracelet with a fairy charm and a charm made out of something that could only be a polished tooth!  I don’t know how the tooth fairy could have known that it would be nice to include The Husband on this first ever tooth loosing occasion for our lovely daughter, but it was extra special that she was able to find him somewhere in Colorado like that.  If anyone runs into her let her know we appreciate her thoughtfulness.  Also let her know that she can leave the card to our friend, Do-You-La-La, to other slightly impatient children and their wildly impatient mothers.

Click on the pix to see them more clearly…

Tooth Money:

The Bag Found in Colorado:

The bracelet with fairy and tooth charms:

All the Loot From Just One Tooth:

*Oh, guess who has her second loose tooth ever?

Did I mention that the tooth hasn’t fallen out yet? 

When it does I am really tempted to buy this.  It’s a little pricey, so I might head over to a bead store soon and see if there isn’t something I could make that would be close.  Other wise it will be ordinary money left by our Tooth Fairy. 

I am a collector of stuff.  And I am always on the look out for the perfect stuff. 

I have been looking for the perfect tape dispenser for years. 

"Why?" you ask. 

Well, I’ll tell ya.

I love to tape stuff.  And in different ways.  So, I was actually in search of two perfect tape dispensers or one really really cool tape dispenser.  I actually thought that out there somewhere would be a perfect one tape dispenser that could hold…and…dispense (hence, the name) more than one kind of tape.  I mostly use regular tape and your basic double-sided tape.  But I have been known, on occasion, to need poster tape, and also have found fun tape with alphabets or crayons or other pictures on it. 

"But why the fuss," you ask, "wouldn’t any ol’ tape dispenser work?" 

Ummm…no. 

First of all I would rather buy refills of tape and not the whole thing.  Second of all sometimes the tape comes off the dispenser to easily making it difficult to pull off pieces of tape  virtually one-handed (this was the problem with the last dispenser I bought).  You (or is it just me?) should want a dispenser that is sturdy, doesn’t have the tape falling out too easily, or a faulty tape cutter thing (problem with the dispenser about 3 dispensers ago).  And….(this is important) it should be pretty.  Not cutesy pretty, but…you know…nice to look at. 

And today I think I found it ALL.  I found where function meets pretty! 

Introducing….dun dun de duh!  My new tape dispensers…

Double-sided in the blue/purple on the left and regular in the orange on the right!

Functional because the tape is enclosed and won’t be falling out when I pull it out.  The cutter part is in there nice and sturdy.  And they are elephants!  Hippos are still my favorite animal, but you have to admit that elephants are a fun idea and make it nice to look at.  Just gotta go find something to tape now.

de·com·press  (dē’kəm-prěs’)  v.   de·com·pressed, de·com·press·ing, de·com·press·es

v.   tr.

1. To relieve of pressure or compression.
2. To bring (a person exposed to conditions of increased pressure) gradually back to normal atmospheric pressure.

I like the second definition the best.  I feel like it’s going to take awhile to get back to any normal atmospheric pressure.  My head hurts from the attempt. 

Let’s just say that it may be true that there is "one" in every group.  And if you don’t know who the "one" is then it is YOU.  And, I did not know who the "one" was.  And when you are the "one" maybe a bottle of really good white wine not shared with anyone else is not a very good idea. 

I have more to say about our trip to Payson when the bottle of 2005 Marc Bredif Vouvray is out of my system.

We made it to the cabin in Payson!  All the other mamas were glad to see me when I showed up…especially C because I brought sugar.  I’m not sure why, but that was the most important thing I brought with me.  The 3 bottles of wine weren’t as highly anticpated becauese N already had 5 bottles in her suitcase. 

So far we have taken a walk, eaten yummy food, broken up lots of kid fights, kissed a few boo-boos, stayed up late talking (the kids and then the mamas).  And…killed about 20 little bugs on the computer screen with a random feminine hygiene product that one of the kids found in one of the mama’s bags.  Those things really are absorbant for bug guts as well as other stuff. 

For more info on stuff overheard at the cabin see M’s blog:  What, ME Blog?

I just can’t say it any better than this:

On the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin’ places that I’ve never been
Seein’ things that I may never see again,
And I can’t wait to get on the road again.

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We’re the best of friends
Insisting that the world be turnin’ our way
And our way
Is on the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We’re the best of friends
Insisting that the world be turnin’ our way
And our way
Is on the road again

Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

Off to Payson!  I do have to stop for some provisions along the way.  Sugar.  Wheat-free soy sauce.  And a pack of Lamb skin, strawberry scented, ultrasensitive, ‘ribbed for his pleasure’ condoms (from a little incident behind a Circle K, I believe they are supposed to be ribbed for Her pleasure).  My friends are so silly.  And that is why I can’t wait to get on the road again… 

My cousin endured pitocin and pushed herself out a 9 pound 3 ounce baby boy!  I kinda got to see small parts of him that were sticking out when he was nursing.  I spent the day with the big sister while mama & her hubby & her mother were busy with the birthing and then I drove the big sister to go meet her little brother.  I am seriously considering hiring myself out as a professional Auntie who babysits while mamas are busy birthing.

Still no tooth. 

I did drive back to Phoenix and will drive on to Payson in the morning.  I will make sure to pack the cute little tooth pocket in case the tooth finally falls out up there…

I know that my friends made it up to the cabin because I thought calling them just after midnight was the least I could do since they don’t have me in person yet.  I was scolded.  I was planning to pretend to be from the rental agency calling to make sure the refrigerator was running (remember that one?  "Then you better go catch it…"). 

Off to bed and then an early start in the morning.  I’m taking a few bottles of vino with me.  I need something stronger than wine, but it will do!

We’re still anxiously awaiting everything that we were anxiously awaiting yesterday.  Only now we have plans.  There is an appointment for an induction tomorrow morning for the baby thing.  No such interventions for the tooth. 

While we we were waiting today we drove down the street a little to Sabino Canyon.  I’ve only been there a few times in my whole life and I lived in Tucson for about 15 years.  I really want to go back when the weather is really cool enough and I’m in better shape to walk more.  I would still need a very easy trail (that’s why I didn’t use the word "hike"), but we barely managed the easy nature trail today that was 1/2 mile round trip. 

After the baby is born we will figure out the next leg of our Tour of Arizona…Payson.  Remember 5 women, 14 kids, and 1 cabin?  The other 4 women are driving up tomorrow and I’ll catch up with them.  It will give them a chance to talk about me and bitch about all the peculiarities they know about me and contemplate the ones they will find out about.  I am scared my friends will decide I am more trouble than I am worth.  And I am afraid that they will drive me nuts with all of their dietary restrictions…life was so much easier when we all just sat around and drooled waiting for N’s Bacon Balls to be done cooking so we could devour them.  But now one won’t eat the bacon or sausage, one won’t eat the bacon, sausage, or cream cheese, and one can’t eat the cheap white bread it’s all rolled up with.  Will N still make them just for her and me???  Ha.  Probably not.  Oh, well. 

Will our differences in parenting drive us crazier than our differences in food preferences/requirements?  Will my gutter mouth be more than anyone can bear?  Will the kids all try to kill each other after the first day? 

Time to pack up our hotel room full of stuff to be ready to blow this Popsicle stand early in the morning…

No baby or baby tooth news. 

Today I took kids to the Tucson Children’s Museum.  It was a blast.  We spent the first half of our time with my cousin, her 2 year old, and my aunt and the second half with my oldest (longest?) friend, her 1 year old, and her S.O. 

Let me tell you a little bit about my friend–the oldest/longest one.  She used to introduce me to people as her best friend from the 70’s.  We met in the 6th grade and that must have been 1979 or so for her description to be accurate.  That’s way too much math so I’ve just believed her all these years.  We didn’t actually like each other for several years after we met.  It was some time during our senior year in high school when we had a ton of mutual friends that we eventually became great friends.  But we have always been different from each other.  She was "the good one" and I…well…I wasn’t.  I loved sleeping around and she was always looking for love.  

I think it was a huge surprise when I found what she was looking for when she was doing all the right things to find it and I was hooching around.  But now she’s with this wonderful man that seems like he’s been around forever.  And they have this beautiful daughter together. 

We are still different, this friend of mine and me.  But I feel very different from a lot of my friends (shout out to the vegans, vegetarians, anti-Barbies, Mormons, Christians, Jews, Wiccans, skinnies, and my hubby).  What I love about this friend and many of my other friends that I don’t see often is that when we are together all the time apart seems to melt away.

Tomorrow we will still be in Tucson and maybe we’ll see other friends, or go to visit other places–new or old.  Maybe a tooth will fall out.  Maybe an extra special baby will be born.  Maybe we’ll make it out to the hotel pool and remember the importance of re-applying sunscreen on a red haired/freckled faced nephew.  Who knows. 

Did I mention that I’m having a great time?  This has been a wonderful vacation.  I still miss my hubby (hey, are you checking my blog to see if I’m writing anything embarrassing?), but I’m loving my life right now.   

My darling middle child has her first loose tooth.  It’s been loose for over 2 weeks now.  I think she needs to perfect the art of playing with it more so that it will come out sooner.  I’m getting really anxious.  The big tooth underneath can be seen.  It’s growing in really crooked and has pushed the loose tooth so that some times it looks like it has fallen out, but it’s just shifted.  Every morning I ask the girl to smile so I can see if it still there.  I think I’m afraid she won’t notice it fall out and will swallow it. 

Of course, that’s why I thought she had swallowed her tooth recently when she was complaining that it felt like a pine nut she had just eaten was stuck in her throat.  It wasn’t her tooth, it was a really bad reaction that ended in a part comical/part freak out trip to the ER. 

I don’t remember it taking this long for the boy to loose his teeth when they were loose.  But he wasn’t afraid to eat rocks to get those things out.  I’m sure it’s because we made the big fat parenting mistaking of dumping all the change we could find under his pillow after he lost his first tooth.  When counted the next day it totalled over 7 freakin’ dollars.  We knew we had screwed up and we couldn’t take it back.  We tried.  We told the already spoiled first born that the tooth fairy must not have had many "customers" that night because that was what determined your bounty…if gazillions of kids lost teeth the same day you may only end up with about 4 cents each, but if it was only a handful then each kid got a larger pot.  But would we ever be able to get away with only leaving a quarter?  We never tried.  We also never left all the change in the house again. 

But, one loose tooth isn’t the only thing we are anxiously waiting for.

My cousin is having a baby!  And I told her that I would watch her wonderful first born when she goes to the hospital to give birth to this second born.  I’m really good at watching kids when their mamas are having babies.  I’m more used to doing it at their home, but my cousin’s baby is supposed to hatch out at a hospital.  And my cousin is so lucky because her mama is also going to be with her.  Her husband too, but that’s standard anymore.  I’m just envious because her mama gets to be there. 

The closest I had to my mom with me was that I took a satin robe with me when I had my second (the one with the loose tooth).  I remember making my friend laugh when I asked for my robe because I had just been naked for over an hour when I asked for it.  But I wasn’t suddenly being modest.  I knew that robe hadn’t fit me in years let alone with this big ol’ pregnant belly.  I just wanted to hold my robe that was from my mom. 

My cousin gets her actual mom and not just a satin on one side and flannel soft on the other replacement.  But don’t call my cousin lucky right now.  In fact you may be safer not saying anything to her.  You see, she was "due" about 4 days ago and she is looking very done.  I have given her all the tips I can think off.  Some I wouldn’t even try.  Sex, special teas, castor oil, sex, a little wine, sex, massage pressure points, sex, etc.  And it’s monsoon season here in Arizona.  I’ve heard that kind of weather can bring on labor.  The only hurry is that if she doesn’t have the baby soon the doctor has scheduled "induction."  And I think even castor oil sounds better than that. 

Because it’s monsoon season I decided that I would just drive to Tucson to wait rather than risk having to drive down from Phoenix in bad weather.  And secretly I just really wanted to spend some time in Tucson without being rushed.  Maybe not the smartest of all decisions I could make.  I am staying in a good sized hotel room with my three kids and my 15 year old nephew.  There have been moments when I have been ready to drop them off someplace safe and drive someplace else very fast before they get a chance to grab hold of some part of the van, and not being a cruel woman I would slow down thus giving them time to hop back in.  But most of the time we don’t have any place in particular to go and we’ve been sleeping in, hanging by the pool, taking in minor league baseball games, and just relaxing.  We may go to Sabino Canyon or Colossal Cave or the zoo.  Or we may not. 

We’ll just do whatever.  Until we get The Call.  Then were on Kid #1 duty. 

Maybe the baby and the baby tooth will both "fall out’ on the same day?

*  *  *

And, if you are wondering, "why on earth are you alone with 4 kids?!?" it is because my darling husband is in Colorado somewhere doing some kind of trial training thing.  Supposed to make him a better lawyer.  I’m so hot for him when he gets all lawyerly…

Michelle was off by one kid, but the title of her post today on her blog says it all:  5 women; 13 kids; one cabin.

I am one of the 5 women and I am bringing 4 of the kids (she forgot my nephew when she did her head count). 

Some crazy woman came up with this idea of doing a road trip with other mothers & kids.  Thought it might be fun to see parts of Arizona that can only be seen by getting in a car and just driving.  The idea was spend a week or two and drive to odd places and stay in cheap hotels.  Then it became a part hotel and part camping trip for about a week.  All we had to do was find a week when all interested parties could make it.  And, well…after much discussion, a few threats, and some name calling we managed to come up with 4 days in all of summer that we could all get out of town together.  So, we decided to pick a cabin in any city cooler that Phoenix.  We found a cabin and a fool for deciding to rent it to us.  The description for the cabin states that it fits 10 people.  We explained to the rental agency that we were a tad more than 10, but that we still thought we could fit. 

Today we had a meal planning meeting at my house.  Everyone showed up and to prove we were serious about meal planning the first thing we did was start eating.  Well, feeding kids and eating.  We had all the kids together playing, giving each other makeovers, vegging out on old Brady Bunch episodes, and playing on computers.

We managed to come up with ideas about meals.  No easy feat considering we have 1 vegan, 1 vegetarian, 1 avoiding high glycemic index foods, 1 with food sensitivities to wheat, oats, eggs, tomatoes, and dairy.  And then there’s me…I am nearly the world’s pickiest eater.  Nearly because my son and my nephew are even worse.  So, I’ll be the one with the extra suitcase that smells suspiciously like convenient store eats like Slim Jims, Cheddar Cheese flavor Pringles, and foods from the Hostess Food Group (that only didn’t make it by name on the food pyramid because of the strong lobbying by the Little Debbie Food Group that ended up nasty and a compromise to share the food group and call it "fats, oils, and sweets."). 

After much discussion some group meals were decided upon.  And it was also decided that I was allowed to help with prep but not much actual cooking except for at breakfast and only if someone could check after to make sure I turned off all things that heat up.  I should never have shared that I learned yesterday what tater tots look like if they cook for over 3 hours. 

We are supposed to have Internet while we are there and at least two of us are planning on writing about our experiences when we are 5 women; 14 kids; one cabin…

I knew it as soon as I saw it.  As soon as I saw The Sign I knew I was gonna get lucky that day.  Later he denied it, but I knew better.

Once I saw The Sign I made sure to dress for the occasion (except for the very unsexy underwear but I shimmied out of them just before hand).  Good push up bra, slightly low cut dress, touch of makeup, couple of spritzes of perfume strategically spritzed between the bosom being held up so nicely by good push up bra. 

Knowing so early in the day that I was gonna get lucky I had fun with it the rest of the day.  When I got the phone call while shopping at Target to hurry home and I could hear frisky in the voice of my one true love I took my time.  But it didn’t take long after getting home that I had Mr. Horn Dog all over me!  And I told him that I knew from early in the day that things would end the way they did. 

And what did he do that made me know absolutely how the day would unfold?  My man squeezed the toothpaste from the bottom!  It’s a new way to woo me, but it worked.  I was hot for him the second that I saw it.