I Wanna…Blog Some

I’m sitting at my computer and listening to a man talking to me about positive discipline.  I can’t listen because I’m distracted by his voice.  His voice.  And that is when I start to let my mind wander.  Hmmm….let’s see.  Dr. Sears.  A man.  Alfie Kohn.  A man.  The guy that wrote The Happiest Baby/Toddler on the Block.  A man.  Dr. Spock.  A man. 

I start looking up parenting books on amazon.com.  Screamfree Parenting:  The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool by Hal Edward Runkel.  A man.  Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child:  Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. MacKenzie.  A man.  Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay.  Two men. 

I know there are some women that write about parenting.  There’s Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, the women who wrote Siblings Without Rivalry and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.  It just seems like more men are considered to be experts on parenting.  But isn’t it really the mom that does more of the day to day parenting stuff–you know the stuff that sucks like organizing school stuff, keeping up with the social calender, clothing shopping, dentist & doctor appointments, and the daily discipline stuff.  So, why are we not listening to more moms?  Moms that have been in the trenches?  Well, actually I know that there are men that take on these roles.  I also know that my husband was the stay at home parent for our first kid’s first year.  And it was great.  But now that I’m in the thick of trying to figure out the most effective and healthy way to parent my kids I resent the male voice telling me how to be a MOM. 

Should I make a pact to only buy parenting books by women?  I already try to go to female dentists, doctors, and female owned businesses (and even female directed pornos).  Should I wait to hear the messages to come from a voice that sounds more like mine?  I don’t know.  But I would like to know more about the person telling me what the right way is.  What makes them an expert?  How many hours a day are they spending with their own kids or at their kids’ school, or planning their kids’ lives? 

Maybe I have a perception that female parenting experts are sharing information and male parenting experts are dictating and judging my imperfect parenting moments.  I do I think both women and men can have helpful insight to staying sane while raising children we want to end up sane.  I think I just can’t listen to a man’s voice giving me suggestions on a day that is in the middle of a month that my husband is mostly out of town on work.   

Do you remember when you were a kid and you went to one of your parent’s parties?  The ones where the parents were having a good time so they left you alone?  And you ran around with your friends.  Mostly doing stuff your parents would be okay with, but sometimes being up to no good.  And maybe you snuck a drink of some one’s adult liquid refreshment, and if you were a little older you had your first almost kiss (or if you weren’t me, maybe it was your first actual kiss).  But you knew your parents were busy, and you were having fun? 

I am hoping that’s the kind of memories my kids have.  Like tonight during my Whine and/or Wine get together.  It was several mamas and our kids from about 1 month old to 10 1/2 years old.  And the kids were running around, playing with play doh, and even eating some.  Mamas were holding or nursing babies, checking in on the toddler set if there was any noises to be concerned about, letting the older kids run wild, and a few mamas getting the night off from one or more of their kids.  The mamas had fun.  The kids had the kind of fun that I hope they remember forever. 

A few kids fell asleep being held.  One of my daughters asked if she could go to sleep, while the other did reluctantly–maybe she’ll be like me, afraid to miss a moment.  The boy fell asleep in my room after willingly giving up his room to a sleeping baby.  In the morning when we are driving to school (running late probably) I’m going to ask my kids if they had fun, and what kind of memories they think they are going to have from their childhood that make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  I hope this night will be one of them.