I Wanna…Blog Some

Someone please tell me why all I can remember saying to my kids lately is something to fix them?

"If you see something that belongs to someone on the floor, consider picking it up, or even going around it, but do not step right on it!"

"Stop hitting your brother."

"Stop pushing your sister."

"Stop smashing a nearly random kid’s fingers in the mail slot door."

"Stop saying the word asshole."

"Eat something besides tortilla chips."

"Do not tell me you like meatloaf and then not have any of it for dinner."

"Why does it take you so long to get ready in the morning?"

"Why does it take you so long to buckle in the car?"

"Put your dishes away when you are done eating."

"Put away your toys when you are done playing with them."

"Pick up the clothes that fall on the floor in the closet."

"Put your dirty clothes in the hamper."

"Put DVDs away when you are done watching them."

"Put away the dishes without needing to be told."

"Do not ask for candy when I am on the phone."

"When you ask for something one time, and you know the answer, quit asking over and over and over."

"Wipe your face when you’re eating."

"Don’t wipe your face with your hand, use a napkin!"

"Stop fighting with your brother."

"Stop fighting with your sister."

"Stop fighting with your sisters."

"Stop fighting with your brother and sister."

And I am so tired of it.  I know that a big part of it right now is that I am single parenting it for awhile so that the old man can bring home some bacon.  I am the one who is around all the bad habits that drive parents crazy.  And I have so little down time.  At least I get some though.  For a few hours every week day they are all in school at the same time.  But it is during that time that I am trying to get PTA checks signed, trying to keep one of my kids from being suspended because of some bull shit about shot records, trying to make some kind of healthy treat for a school thing, chaperoning a field trip, and a few other little things. 

I also know that all of this is coinciding with a period of me micromanaging the kids.  I’m just getting the feeling like I need to be on top of them about everything to get rid of some bad habits and encourage some good habits.  I’m even trying to do the same to myself.  I want us all to clean up after ourselves, help each other out, and be nice to each other.  Just seems like the more I want all of that stuff, the more I turn into a raging lunatic.  It reminds me of the times my mom was a raging lunatic.  I don’t want to turn into my mother–or at least not the crazy lunatic mother. 

How do I stop being a lunatic and start being a calm but effective parent?  A parent that creates an environment where kids can learn to be helpful, caring, hygienic, and maybe even happy without doing it out of fear of setting their mom off.

I’m feeling a bit like I’m losing the battle right now and I have too much to do for that to happen.  I know that one day my hubby will be back home to relieve some of the stress.  Not all.  Never all, but some.  Like a friend recently said, we mothers are the cornerstone of our families.  And unfortunately the phrase, "If mama ain’t happy, no one is happy" is very true around here right now. 

So, what do I do?  Let it all go?  Walk out when the kids are fighting and shut myself in my room with some kind of loud something to drown out the fighting.  Work on getting myself a little more happy with myself so I am not nit picking all of the kids’ shit?  I don’t really want to know the answer to that right now.  I don’t have time for the therapy.   

Waited for all the relatives to leave that were in town for a funeral. Waited to put space between death and life. You waited, but when you decided to come you came fast.

We had just come home from a fairly casual luau themed wedding reception that we didn’t think we were going to go to. We thought we’d have a newborn baby by then. I had been having braxton hicks contractions off and on for awhile, but definitely had some before, during, and after eating roast pig. We came home, put your brother and sister to bed. It was about 11pm and I started having the kind of contractions that were nothing like braxton hicks contractions. I think I told your dad that we’d better pack our stuff for the birth center. That made a fairly calm man act like a lunatic. I asked him to calm down. You’d think after doing this a few times he would have been calmer.

When I called the birth center and was asked how long I’d been having contractions I could almost hear the midwife laughing when I told her, "about 15 minutes." She was a smart woman though, and rather than tell me to try to get some sleep and call in the morning she asked me if I thought I needed to be checked. I did think I wanted to go in and it was a good thing because when we got to the birth center I was already 7cm dilated. I was relieved because I was always afraid of being sent home for false labor.

About 3 hours after my first real contraction you came slamming out of me. It was intense, but great. I had the ring of fire that I’d heard of, but I did it. I remember thinking, "I’m going to do this NOW," and shutting my eyes and pushing hard. I thought you were out before you were and I just kept going and then you were all the way out. I opened my eyes and there you were. You had a purple face from being bruised on your way out. Your brother was called in to help cut your cord. Your Grandpa Stanley (not exactly the grandpa we thought would be the first to meet you) got to see your dad, his son, and your brother, his grandson, cut your cord and that meant a lot to him.

And after cleaning you up, getting my hemorrhage to stop, and saying good night to your grandpa and brother, you, your dad, and I curled into bed and just slept. No one bothered us. We just slept. I’ve always meant to thank for that also. You might have wanted to see this new world, but you let us sleep.  After sleeping a few good hours we went home. And your big sister came back home from our across the street neighbor’s house with a new hair style and a new found happiness at the discovery of YOU. It was like we brought home a present just for her.

You have been a delight to all of us. And also an amazement to your teacher who you kind of proposed to and excitedly said, "And then we’d be married and I’d be gay!" And a wonder to your Hebrew School teacher that you confessed you did not believe in God to. And many other things to many other people.

Happy 5th Birthday to my baby!